HEY LOOK AT MY FACE!

Dear women,

I'm just going to give it to you straight up. I don't speak for all guys but I know a lot of them, if not most of them, will agree with me. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY YOU ARE! Trust me. Guys don't like fake things. Well, maybe robots... but they wouldn't love a robot. They would use a robot to do their bidding because robots don't have emotions. So, if you want to be treated like a robot then keep acting like one and while you're at it, go make me a sandwich!

Have you seen Cats the musical? Yeah me neither. But I've seen pictures! And honestly that is one of the few places where makeup belongs. YOUR NATURAL SKIN IS GORGEOUS! What do you have to hide? Don't get me wrong, your makeup looks great! All that blending and smoothing and shaping whatever kinda stuff that is... I dunno. Sufficeth to say it is an art form at which you excel and which I could never even begin to understand. You look fabulous all done-up. But, truth be told, it's nothing compared to how you look all-natural. You might not believe me but honestly, why would I lie?

There is a difference between skinny and healthy. In my opinion abs belong on Jacob Black and Abercrombie models. YOU ARE NOT FAT! Would you rather hug a robot or a pillow? I would rather hug a pillow or a fuzzy panda or something. You're naturally soft to the touch and I enjoy that. I don't want to see your bones (elbows and knees excluded. Those tend to stick out a little more than the rest). Guys don't like skinny girls. Guys like healthy girls. I was talking to a friend the other day about this very subject. We both expressed that it's cool if you run a few times a week or play tennis or basketball or something fun like that to stay in shape. However, there are some girls who deem it necessary to run a few times a day and eat nothing but celery and cottage cheese. It's just kind of ridiculous. I admire your discipline, but sometimes it crosses the line.

I was trying to decide which super power I would have if I could have one. I thought reading minds would be possibly awesome/scary. Then I thought teleporting powers would be awesome too! And also tropical punch vision. If you're thirsty you could just tropical punchify anything. BAM! Thirst quenched! You could be called The Quencher! Anyway....... GUYS CAN'T READ MINDS! So please say what you mean and ask for what you want. Flirting and dropping hints is cool if I've just barely met you, but if that's all that happens then it becomes difficult. Being mysterious is intriguing but being genuine is beautiful:)

I don't know how to lead up to this one... IF YOU WANT TO BE RESPECTED, RESPECT YOURSELF. Dirtbags like sluts. If it seems like sluts get all the guys it's because there are probably more dirtbags than decent guys. So if you want to attract decent people then treat yourself like a decent person. Whenever I talk to a girl about this they always say "you have no idea how hard it is to find shorts that aren't too short." Yes, yes I do. But it was hard to find shoes that fit my feet too. So what? Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's impossible. And often times it seems like the more difficult something is to achieve, the more valuable it becomes. If it was hard for you to find modest clothes but you did anyway you are that much more valuable. Maybe I should start a new paragraph but this new subject is really closely related... Don't try to act like a dude please. I admire your femininity. Dirty jokes and dirty dancing are for TV and locker rooms and the afore-mentioned dirtbags. You might get attention because people think you're funny or something... I dunno. But you can get better attention in better ways!! By respecting yourself.

These are things you have already heard... I don't care if you call my a hypocrite haha. I believe these things. I just wanted to let you know how much in awe I am of you. You're really something special. Don't let anyone (yourself included) tell you otherwise.